What is the Difference Between Fearful Avoidant and Dismissive Avoidant

Attachment Theory explains how early relationships with caregivers shape the way we connect with others throughout life. It suggests that our emotional bonds are influenced by how secure or insecure we feel in relationships. There are four main attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful avoidant (disorganized).

What is the difference between fearful avoidant and dismissive avoidant? Fearful avoidants avoid closeness because they are scared of getting hurt, but at the same time, they also want connection, while dismissive avoidants avoid closeness because they prefer to be independent and don’t like relying on others.

Key Areas Covered

1. What is Fearful Avoidant  
     – Definition, Features
2. What is Dismissive Avoidant
     – Definition, Features
3. Similarities Between Fearful Avoidant and Dismissive Avoidant
     – Outline of Common Features
4. Difference Between Fearful Avoidant and Dismissive Avoidant
     – Comparison of Key Differences
5. FAQ: Fearful Avoidant and Dismissive Avoidant
     – Answers to Frequently Asked Questions

Key Terms

Attachment Theory, Fearful Avoidant, Dismissive Avoidant

What is Fearful Avoidant Attachment 

Fearful avoidant attachment (disorganized attachment) is an attachment style where people struggle with trusting others, but they also deeply crave love and security. It’s like being caught between two opposing forces—wanting closeness but fearing it at the same time.

This attachment style often develops due to unpredictable or inconsistent caregiving. A child may have experienced moments of love and affection, only to have them suddenly withdrawn. This unpredictability creates confusion and fear and makes it hard to trust others later in life.

Children with a fearful avoidant attachment style often show mixed signals. They may cling to their caregiver when scared and push them away moments later. They may struggle with emotional regulation and often have intense tantrums or meltdowns. Moreover, they also have trouble setting boundaries. Although they seek attention from adults, they reject it when given.

Signs of Fearful Avoidant in Adults

Fearful avoidant attachment doesn’t disappear with age. Adults with this attachment style may show the following signs.

• Find it hard to open up and be vulnerable
• Keep relationships at a surface level out of fear of getting hurt
• View both themselves and others negatively
• Struggle to form deep emotional connections
• Cut people off quickly when they feel hurt
• Feel emotionally disconnected or numb at times
• Deeply desire love but fear they will never find it
• Have difficulty maintaining long-term relationships
• Withdraw when feeling vulnerable or emotional
• Have trouble self-soothing when upset
• Believe that people will always let them down
• Enter relationships, even romantic or sexual ones, without truly wanting them.

It is possible to heal a fearful avoidant attachment style. Recognizing your patterns is the first step to changing them. Then, work on building self-worth instead of relying on external approval. Find a balance between being open and protecting yourself. Learn ways to soothe yourself when feeling triggered or insecure.

What is Dismissive Avoidant Attachment 

Dismissive avoidant attachment (avoidant attachment) is an insecure attachment style where a person avoids emotional closeness and values independence over relationships. People with this attachment style tend to see relationships as unnecessary or even burdensome. They often keep others at arm’s length. Even with family, friends, or romantic partners, they avoid emotional intimacy and prefer to rely on themselves rather than risk being vulnerable.

Avoidant attachment is the opposite of anxious attachment. People with anxious attachment crave validation and fear abandonment, whereas people with dismissive avoidant individuals often feel more comfortable on their own. They value their autonomy above all else. They may even see deep emotional connections as a threat to their self-sufficiency. Because of this, they tend to withdraw when relationships start to feel too intimate.

Signs of Dismissive Avoidant Attachment 

• Have a negative view of relationships and see them as unnecessary
• Act emotionally distant or cold toward family, friends, or partners
• Avoid emotional closeness and intimacy in relationships
• Withdraw when relationships become too serious or demanding
• Prioritize independence and self-sufficiency above all else
• Keep personal life, plans, and activities private from others
• Refuse to ask for help, even when needed
• Use defensive strategies, such as shutting down or avoiding difficult conversations
• Engage in casual or short-term relationships rather than long-term commitments
• Feel uncomfortable with vulnerability or rely on others for support

Similarities Between Fearful Avoidant and Dismissive Avoidant

1. They struggle with emotional closeness and may push people away.
2. Both have trouble trusting people.
3. Both can seem distant or detached in relationships.

Difference Between Fearful Avoidant and Dismissive Avoidant

Definition

• Fearful avoidant attachment is an attachment style where a person craves closeness but fears getting hurt, which leads to push-pull behavior in relationships. Dismissive avoidant attachment, on the other hand, is an attachment style where a person avoids emotional closeness, values independence, and keeps others at a distance to maintain control.

View on Relationships

• Fearful avoidants fear that relationships will end badly, but they still long for connection, whereas dismissive avoidants believe relationships aren’t necessary and prefer to be alone.

Relationships

• Fearful avoidants often switch between wanting closeness and pulling away to protect themselves. Dismissive avoidants, on the other hand, keep people at a distance and prefer casual, low-commitment relationships.

Effect on Partners

• Fearful avoidants’ unpredictable behavior and emotional ups and downs can leave partners feeling confused and frustrated. Meanwhile, dismissive avoidants’ lack of emotional connection can make partners feel ignored, unimportant, or unloved.

FAQ: Fearful Avoidant and Dismissive Avoidant

1. Can someone be both dismissive and fearful avoidant?

Yes, someone can show signs of both dismissive and fearful avoidant attachment. They may fear getting hurt in relationships (fearful) but also avoid closeness and rely on themselves (dismissive).

2. What is the most damaging attachment style?

Fearful avoidant (disorganized) attachment is often considered the most damaging because it combines both fear of closeness and fear of abandonment. This creates inner conflict. It makes relationships very difficult and leads to trust issues, emotional instability, and trouble feeling safe with others.

3. How to tell if someone is a fearful avoidant?

A fearful avoidant person craves love but is afraid of getting hurt. They may want closeness but push people away, struggle with trust, have big emotional reactions, and withdraw when they feel vulnerable.

4. What is the rarest attachment style?

Fearful avoidant attachment is the rarest because it combines both fear of closeness and fear of abandonment. It makes relationships very confusing and unpredictable.

5. Do fearful avoidants really love you?

Yes, fearful avoidants can love deeply, but their fear of getting hurt makes it hard for them to fully trust and open up. They may push you away even if they care about you.

Reference: 

1. “Fearful Avoidant Attachment.” Psychcentral.com.

2. “What is Dismissive Avoidant Attachment?” Very Well Mind.

Image Courtesy:

1. “A Man Wearing a Red Sweater Covering His Face with His Hands” (CC0) via Pexels

2. “Woman in Gray Tank Top Looking Frightened” (CC0) via Pexels